Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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