i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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