I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
