I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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