Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
