obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Send help, water and tortillas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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