I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
