just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
