I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
