Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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