I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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