I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
