i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
