Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she smelled like a LAN party
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Holy shit dude........stairs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
