I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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