im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
