omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
