i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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