Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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