i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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