I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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