Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
