I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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