I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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