I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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