he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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