We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
