I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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