Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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