while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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