Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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