I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
