I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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