DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
