Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
