He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
