I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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