Ambien. No doubt about it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
