So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
