I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
