i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
