Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
