Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
