it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
