Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
