new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
