how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
