Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
whose parrot is this?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
