if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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