New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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