my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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