I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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