Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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