don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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