He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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