is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
