Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
